So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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