is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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