Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
