i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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