no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
