two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
