i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry about my life...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
