it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
