hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
