shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
