On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pooping to opera.
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