all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
