problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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