i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
