You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
