The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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