dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
