life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
