So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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