We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
