Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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