I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
