I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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