and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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