I want to walk on stilts...naked
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
