I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
