I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
