yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
