We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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