She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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