apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
