When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
