TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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