dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
