I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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