used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My penis needs a shock collar
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
