Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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