Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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