; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
