what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
