He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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