I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
a search helicopter?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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