It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
