it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
