this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
