I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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