I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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