I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
