i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
