He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
