you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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